Hello... I know it's been a hell of a long time, but I doubt anyone reads my entry anyway. But just in case anyone cares, here we go:

This last weekend was crazy! It was finally my best friend's wedding (the girl from my previous entries that I am totally in love with), and my girlfriend and I went Oklahoma City for the event. My GF went because she was a bridesmaid and I went for some sort of closure. Anyway, we left super early Friday morning. We were delayed in Dallas for 7 ½ hours due to very bad weather conditions, then we had major turbulence all the way to Oklahoma City. There were thunder and lightning storms on Saturday during the wedding and reception, and the power went out briefly during the dinner, but there were candles lit on the tables so it wasn’t so bad. I had a chance to chat with my friend for a while as my wife and the other bridesmaids went to get her hair done. We were alone and talked for about an hour in the main sanctuary. I told her everything I was feeling. I told her I still loved her, and I was sorry that I never ended up with her. She of course already knew that, and she really wanted to see me and tell me that she has a special love for me unlike any other, and that I will always hold a special place in her heart. I sang to her and told her that I just want her to be happy as I held back my tears. She told me that if I really love something set it free, and if it comes back to you it’s meant to be. She hopes this marriage lasts forever, but if it ever goes astray I’ll be the first and only one she calls. Then it happened. She leaned over and kissed me. It was short, but sweet. I held back so much because I didn’t want to ruin her day. We ended our conversation with a tight and long hug. Then she left to get dressed and I was alone for about another half an hour, thinking of what just happened.

After the reception we said our goodbyes to the happy couple, we went and did some club hopping. It was nice. My girlfriend really tried to kiss my ass the whole weekend since I recently found out that she's still cheating on me (that's another entry for another day), and I was nice to her. We never argued once the whole weekend. Things are ok for now. We talked a lot on the plane and during our delays. It was like old times for a while. I even slept on our bed for the first time in many months on Sunday night when we got back. No sex, just sleep. She really wanted to this weekend, but I told her she needs to wait till I can trust her again, and she was cool with that. She's the mother of my children and I only stick around right now because of the my daughters and because I have no $ to get out and start over again. It's cheaper to keep her...

Anyway, so that was my weekend. My dearest friend is now married and gone. She’s enjoying her honeymoon as we speak. I’m happy for her, and I’m sad that things ended up the way they did for me. But I’m trying, and now I see that my girlfriend’s really trying, at least for now. We’ll see how long that lasts.

But I keep thinking to myself, should I have held back? What if it was a test to see what I would do? What if I had kissed her back and showed her exactly how much I love her? What will happen now to our friendship? Will we get closer or get even more distant? I don’t know. I guess I did get some sense of closure, but not exactly because I can’t stop thinking about that kiss or what could’ve been.

If there is anyone out there that actually reads my entry, please help me to understand things...